Training starts with STATE.

Yesterday someone asked me:
“What’s the one dog training tool you can’t live without?”

My answer wasn’t what most people expect.

The nervous system.

Not sexy.

Not standard.

And it may have surprised some people—but it’s the most honest answer I have.

Because no matter how skilled we are, no matter how good our intentions, a dysregulated nervous system will always override training.

Always.

Everything else rides on STATE.

Everything else—skill, training, experience, technique—rides on top of the nervous system.

All of it matters.

And all of it is filtered through state first.

Under stress, those things don’t disappear—but they do go offline.

Because when a nervous system is overwhelmed, safety becomes the priority, not learning.

That’s why skill is useless without regulation.

Why training collapses without safety.

Why experience can’t—and doesn’t—override state.

Dysregulation in us is often subtle, and also largely normalized.

It can look like:

- feeling consistently rushed, tight, or internally braced
- irritability, impatience, or emotional numbness
- hyper-focusing on “fixing” instead of sensing
- difficulty slowing down or being still
- a sense of urgency that doesn’t actually match the moment

When we’re dysregulated, we don’t lead—we direct.

And we do it through tension.

That tension is information.

And it’s information our dogs are reading constantly.

What we think we’re communicating through words, cues, or corrections is often overridden by what we’re transmitting through state.

Leadership is felt.

Direction is imposed.

And the nervous system always knows the difference.

In dogs, dysregulation isn’t just the obvious behaviors. It can also look like:

- inability to settle or truly rest
- “busy” behaviors that never fully resolve
- hypervigilance or exaggerated startle responses
- clinginess, avoidance, or emotional shutdown
- reactivity that feels inconsistent or unpredictable

These aren’t bad behaviors.

They’re adaptive strategies—attempts to feel safe.

Behavior is information.

The nervous system is the source.

When safety is missing, behavior takes on a job:

- to regulate
- to create predictability
- to discharge stress
- to seek connection or distance

When safety is restored, behavior often loses its job.

That’s why suppressing behavior without addressing state rarely lasts.

To get back on the regulation train (for both ends of the leash), know that this does not require perfection.

It requires awareness.

And that awareness starts with us—you and me.

Tips to re-regulate:

- slow your breathing
- drop your shoulders, soften your jaw, feel your feet
- notice urgency—and consciously reduce it
- prioritize sleep, predictability, and decompression

Support the dog:

- reduce stimulation before adding training
- make space for—and allow—quiet (this one is big and often overlooked)
- meet needs consistently, not reactively

Regulation isn’t dramatic.

It’s subtle.

It’s cumulative.

Training doesn’t start with commands.

It starts with STATE.

Because the nervous system doesn’t lie— and it’s always leading, whether we’re aware of it or not.

Chapter Eight of my newest book, "The Human End of the Leash: Dog Training’s Missing Link"—“The Nervous System Doesn’t Lie”—goes deeper into how nervous system state shapes behavior, ours and our dogs’.

It’s where this work really begins.

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